Facial Hair Commentary
by SaidbhinLuch
Summary: Teal'c's goatee caused a few issues with his teammates. Unfortunately Sam's the only one who can keep her mouth shut. Typical SG-1 silly antics ensue. Spoilers for Small Victories. With S/J leanings.


**Spoilers for Small Victories obviously!  
**

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**P3X-234 Day Three:**

Sam huffed as she turned away from the DHD after yet another failed attempt to get home. She looked round at the trees and the countryside and groaned loudly.

'Penny for 'em?' Sam yelped and spun round to see the Colonel meandering over towards her holding a rather large branch. She looked down at it in confusion before shaking her head and frowning up at him.

'Could you not sneak up on me like that Sir?'

'Sorry Carter.' He looked anything but sorry as he stepped over towards her twirling the branch idly and smirking at her. Sam couldn't help but smile at him as they headed back to the encampment.

'Bored?' He asked looking down at her curiously and she just looked at him blankly to which he nodded sagely at her.

'Yeah there's only so much Jaffa mentality training a person can take. At least I can actually go fishing... Sure it isn't Minnesota but I'll take what I can get...' He paused looking at her with a hopeful gleam in his eyes, raising his branch, which she just noticed he had turned into a makeshift rod. Sam was once again completely lost for words.

All she could do was stop and look at him biting her lip, and she knew that her eyes were absolutely massive as he looked back at her.

The moment stretched on for what seemed to be hours as Sam tried to figure out how to respond.

A worryingly large part of her wanted to say yes and consequences and be damned. It would be far too easy to say yes here, away from home, from the responsibilities and recrimination.

But unfortunately not from the guilt.

Or the innate fear.

'I should go and...' She attempted but caught sight of Teal'c coming from the forest behind the Colonel and she squinted at him, her jaw dropping.

The Colonel looked at her expression, frowned and followed her line of sight. His eyebrows shot to his hairline and his eyes widened in a way reminiscent of Daniel. They both exchanged baffled looks at the Jaffa stormed over towards them.

He stopped and looked at them strictly before heading off towards the encampment.

Well that diffused the tension, Sam thought blinking rapidly trying to process what she had just seen.

'Does T... have a goatee?'

'Apparently.'

Both officers looked at each other in complete shock as they watched Teal'c stomp away from them.

'_Why is it blonde?'_ The Colonel exclaimed loudly and nudging her shoulder.

**P3X-234 Day Six:**

Sam looked down at her meal and winced mentally, willing her face not to reveal her feelings about how unappetising their meal was. She lifted the spoon to see the almost oatmeal like substance drip down into the bowl.

She glanced round for a moment before peering down at the small dish suspiciously... Was that a spider?

Her eyes widened as she dropped the bowl with a loud clatter. She blushed slightly as several narrowed eyes were aimed in her general direction. She smiled slightly before taking a sip of water and looking round at her friends.

The Colonel seemed to be having the same issues with the food as her, but he didn't bother keeping the look of disgust of his face.

He plonked the bowl down and pulled a face at Sam, who found herself giggling at her CO's antics.

He smiled proudly at her response before looking at Teal'c sceptically.

He nudged her shoulder before talking to her in a stage whisper.

'How do you think he bleached it?' Sam found herself trying to suppress giggles as Teal'c stared at him almost dangerously. Sam bit her lip and took some deep calming breaths.

'So why did you decide to grow the goatee?' Sam blinked and moved away from the Colonel subtly avoiding his shocked look.

Teal'c arched his eyebrow and Sam just watched this undoubtedly hilarious but disastrous scene play out. Both Ry'ac and Bra'tac turned to look round at the two men.

'Were you going for the Rasputin look?'

Teal'c just looked levelly at the Colonel whereas the other two Jaffa actually paying attention just looked blankly at each other. They both looked at her for an explanation for this behaviour and Sam could only shrug.

She could not explain this to them.

Who was she, Daniel?

'Hans Gruber perhaps?'

Sam was worried that she was about to draw blood given that she was biting down on her lip so hard.

'Maybe a little Scar?'

'Or is it just the general bad-ass kinda look?'

Sam started coughing in an attempt to stop herself from laughing.

That would not end well.

The Colonel would be so proud of her and give her a dangerous smile... one she was finding more and more difficult to ignore.

And Teal'c?

Well... She shuddered visibly and focused back on her teammates.

The Colonel was now giggling, yes giggling, at his own witticisms.

Oh why didn't she have a camcorder for this moment?

No one, not even Janet or Daniel, would believe that she was witnessing this extraordinary sight.

Jack O'Neill giggling.

It took everything she had to not burst into gales of laughter.

He happened to glance at her and smirking, knowing the mental war going on in her head at that moment.

He knew her far too well.

She looked down trying to hide both her smile and her blush.

Suddenly a loud *gloop* caught her attention and she looked up to see the Colonel still facing her but with the remnants of Teal'c meal dripping from his face.

Now Sam was really rueing Daniel's appendix issues and her lack of a camera.

Sam just started laughing and began laughing even harder as Bra'tac joined in with a booming chuckle.

'Christ! Is that a spider?'

Sam was bent double in tears at this point, and both worried about the lack of oxygen supply and her sanity.

**Earth Day One:**

Sam cricked her neck as General Hammond walked back into his office and stretched slightly. The Colonel followed suit, ruffling his hair and looking around as the other two got up, arching his eyebrow in amusement.

Daniel was trying not to stare as Teal'c's goatee and failing miserably.

She paused watching the three of them as Daniel almost reached out to touch it again and the Colonel smacked his arm down once again.

'Lunch?' The Colonel asked trying to stop Daniel's rather persistent curiousity.

Somehow Sam knew that was an unwinnable battle.

She patted the Colonels shoulder sympathetically and smiled softly.

'Oh dear sweet non gloopy food!' The Colonel exclaimed as he lifted up a turkey sandwich and happily took a massive bite. Sam took a large gulp of coffee and happily ate her own sandwich, humming contentedly as she did so.

Daniel looked at both officers in bafflement.

'You're actually enjoying this?' He asked dubiously poking at his own rather dry sandwich.

'You try eating sludge for a week and not get excited over this!' The Colonel bit back, around a mouthful of sandwich and hoping up for some more.

Sam giggled slightly and inhaled more of her coffee and sighing contentedly.

She looked up to see the Colonel placing blue jello down in front of her and tucking into his own red one. She beamed at him and grabbed her spoon and following suit.

Daniel just shook his head in bemusement before looking back at Teal'c who was enjoying his mountain of food and staring at the goatee once again. Sam nudged him in warning and the Colonel shook his head almost comically.

Teal'c seemed to be ignoring Daniels constant stare, pretty well, that is until Daniel ignore their warnings and leaned forward almost touching it.

Suddenly Daniel received a face full of yogurt to the face and a rather belated kick to the shin a la Sam.

Both Sam and the Colonel started laughing at the sight of yogurt dripping off Daniels face.

'Let's hope this doesn't start a food fight.' Sam giggled as she watched Daniel attempt to wipe the yogurt off his face and glasses with the most surprised expression she'd ever seen. Teal'c, however just looked at the archaeologist almost smugly and focused back on his meal.

The Colonel gasped for breath as he stared at Daniel's frozen face.

'Hey Danny boy, how about letting me see your scar now?' Daniel attempted to glare at him, but due his yogurt obscured vision he managed to glare at the commissary door.

Sam found herself once again fearing for her sanity and oxygen supply as she dissolved into helpless giggles.

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**I have no explanation for this... I really don't... All I know is the very idea of Teal'c throwing food into his friends faces is beyond hilarious to me... probably not anyone else... but given how people have reacted to the vast majority of my funny one-shots I may find some people who find this quite amusing! I sure hope you do!**

**Also I have to thank everyone who reviewed 'Hypothetical Dating Situations'! The response was beyond anything I had ever expected! THANK YOU! And I must thank my anonymous reviewers since I couldn't message you!**

**Irishmaiden: _For both of your reviews! Wow! I hope I didn't accidentally cause a scene with your VIP's! Though if my story had managed that I would be more than a tad flattered and impressed! And as for my sense of humour I'm glad you think so... My parents sure don't! (Ha) And as for your five reasons... Oh my I am blushing intensely! You really think so? And I was proudest of the Teal'c line I'll admit... Haha! And I sure plan too! It is completely obvious that I love Jack being typically Jack? It is? Good! _**

**Kalinysta:_ I never thought of it like that... I don't have much knowledge of the Three Stooges but what I've surmised from TV that's actually a really good metaphor for those three! Thank you!_**

**IloveComedy:_ Exactly what I was hoping for! Thank you!_**


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